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Can Azzam The American Keep His Head?

Twenty-eight-year-old California native Adam Yehiye Gadahn (aka Azzam the
American) recently appeared on an al-Qaida video with al-Qaida’s number two
man, Ayman al-Zawahiri.

In the video Gadahn, looking like a bearded Pillsbury Doughboy in his white robe
and turban, challenged American soldiers to convert to Islam.

“Instead of killing yourself for Bush ... why not surrender to the truth [of Islam],
escape from the unbelieving army, and join the winning side? Time is running out,
so make the right choice before it's too late,” he said.

Gadahn should lay off the opium, or what ever else he is smoking, if he thinks al-
Qaida is winning. Unlike Osama bin Laden and the rest of his radical friends, none
of our troops are cowering in caves on the Afghanistan-Pakistan border waiting to
die a violent death. American soldiers don’t worry about bunker busting-bombs
ruining their evening meal or a good night’s sleep.

Gadahn must have become an avid Monopoly player while hiding out in Pakistani
caves. “You know that if you die as an unbeliever in battle against the Muslims,
you're going straight to Hell without passing ‘Go,’” he also said on the video.

I guess there is nothing to do but play Monopoly while waiting for a bunker buster
to ruin your evening. I think he should be worried about getting a “Get Out of Jail
Free” card before it’s too late.

Gadahn continued, “You know you're considered by Bush and his bunch of
warmongers as nothing more than expendable cannon fodder. ...”

“Expendable cannon fodder”? An Islamic fascist calling our troops cannon fodder?
I guess all the young Muslim kids who are convinced to strap 100 pounds of high
explosives to their chests and set off the bomb are not Islamic cannon fodder. Oh,
I forgot, they are martyrs.

Why does a white middle-class American turn his back on his country and willingly
join a group of bloodthirsty Islamic fascists? Gadahn must have been one of the
liberal Democrats who said he would leave the United States if George W. Bush
were elected president in 2000.

Too bad Alex Baldwin didn’t tag along.

Maybe Gadahn simply saw the following advertisement in a local radical Islamic
newspaper and left the United States to wine and dine in Pakistan:

Wanted: White American Islamic convert.

Duties: Convert 350 million infidel American citizens to the Islamic faith.

Job description: Must be able to move through rough Pakistani terrain, dodge U.
S.-made Hellfire missiles, outrun American Special Forces personnel and live in
rat-infested caves.

Qualifications: Must look presentable wearing a ratty beard, white robe and
turban. Turban and robe not provided.

Please contact your local mosque for more information or call 92-Die-Infidel.

Regardless of why he decided to take the traitorous road, Gadahn has a rough trip
ahead. Historically, neither side of a conflict has trusted traitors. Look at what
happened to Benedict Arnold after the American Revolutionary War. He died in
poverty in England after being promised fame and fortune. The British did not trust
him after the war.

Gadahn is now living with hardcore al-Qaida terrorists. I am sure his comrades still
view him as an American, no matter how many times he bows to Mecca during the
day or how he dresses. Can a traitor really be trusted? After all, he is not a true
Muslim. He has sinned in the past before converting to Islam. From his looks you
can tell he has eaten his fair share of fried pork rinds and baby back ribs. I’m sure
he’s also thrown back a few beers.

Can al-Qaida terrorists and Islamic fascists trust any American who has turned on
his country? Will he turn on them? Maybe Gadahn is already meeting CIA
operatives in dark allies in Pakistan, selling out his new friends. Who knows,
maybe that is how we were able to kill al-Zarqawi.

The pressure on Gadahn must be immense. I am sure he spends his days looking
over his shoulder, wondering if his terrorist friends will turn on him.

I wonder if Gadahn worries about someone standing behind him with a knife when
he makes one of his propaganda videos. I’m sure Daniel Pearl’s execution is on his
mind when he kneels in front of a video camera.

Hopefully, Gadahn is smart enough not to lose his head when he is no longer
trusted and no longer needed by al-Qaida. When al-Qaida upper management
makes personnel cuts, they really make cuts. I’m sure an overweight American will
be the first to go, and it will be Daniel Pearl style with a dull, rusty knife in front of
a camera.

Gadahn’s days as a “useful idiot” are numbered. He should surrender while he still
has his head. We can always use more intelligence about bin Laden’s whereabouts
(wink, wink). I’m sure there are Special Forces operatives close by, watching and
waiting. And I am sure he will be treated in a humane manner as required by the
Geneva Convention.

Even though he does not really deserve such treatment.



COPYRIGHT © STEVE DARNELL 2006
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